Raiders taking it to next level!

Showing they no longer have to ability to scout, draft, cultivate talent or build anything close to a respectable franchise, the Raiders have chosen to pour their energy into making sweet-ass logos. Here's their new one for the 2009-10 season, which will be known as the Bottom of the Basement Tour.

Skate or die!

If BC III were a skateboarder, this would be his ride. Fakey rock 'n' roll!

This is why sharks are DA BOMB!

For my non-Spanish-speaking friends, the dude says this Colombian soccer shark mascot is the shit and if you mess with him he will hump your wife and daughter and bite your friggin' arm off. I think.

New owner of SoCal makes appearance on "Conan"

BC III loves him some Stones

Here's a little Rolling Stones gem found on the YouTube, featuring Mick Jagger on vocals, Nicky Hopkins on piano, Mick Taylor on slide guitar, Bill Wyman on bass and Charlie Watts on drums. It was recorded November 1973 and obviously never released.

Who is Broderick Chesterfield III?

According to Netflix, here are his favorite genres:

Gory Foreign Horror

Violent TV Shows

Critically Acclaimed Violent Thrillers

Scary Crime Movies

Cult Serial Killer Horror

Raunchy Comedies

Films That Should Never Have Been Made

That's about right ....

LO says: Goddam I wish that was made of chocolate

You know what? Ball does not, in fact, lie

The only thing missing from this picture are stacks of high society. And maybe a pile of blow.

The power of pops

With Father's Day around the corner, it's as good a time as any to mention that BC III is so bad-ass that he doesn't have or need a dad. But for the rest of you mortals, it must be pretty cool sometimes. Here's Luke and Bill Walton sharing some thoughts on family, love and basketball.

Summer reading

When Broderick Chesterfield III goes on vacation next month with his most ultra-special lady, he will be enjoying this book while lounging around the pool.

How long has it been?

BC III is already feeling a bit nostalgic. Let's relive the dream, shall we?

"Hangover" sequel is in the works

But first those bitches better start giving BC III his royalties after they basically retold what happened to me two years ago. Except swap out Heather Graham for a Filipino amputee and the baby for a midget .... or is dwarf the preferred nomenclature? And instead of Mike Tyson, me and my peeps crossed paths with Jeff Gillooly and his sweet 'stache.

Just can't get enough, bitches!

A title victory -- in three minutes or less

Machine like shiny thing

I shoot oh-for-6 in Finals, I get to touchy trophy? Yes!

BC III dubs today "Hot Romance Monday"

It's the start of a long week. So you need to get your best special lady and sex her up right. Get in the mood, party peoples.

It feels so damn good

When your team wins the NBA title, it's just about the best thing in the world. Better than doughnut buffets, better than caring, understanding bookies and even better than hookers with a heart of gold.

Los Campiones del Mundo!

When the Lakers win titles, it means Mexicans rejoice.

For my peoples who were incarcerated last night

BC III is from the streets, fool. He is hard like Chris Walken's face. So for my boys who were in lockup last night on weapons and drug charges, here is a recap of the game you missed.

BC III dubs thee "El Conquistador"

Paul Gasol is so bad-ass that I will go to Spain next summer to visit Sant Boi de Llobregat, Barcelona, to visit the birthplace of "El Conquistador." It is there Brody Chesterfiled III will pay homage to "El Conquistador" by wearing loud print button-up shirts with white pants, eating tapas and making sweet love to my special lady.

P-Jax proves why he is better than any coach you like

The inbounds play that led to Fisher's shot with 4.6 left was genius. The confidence he showed in the struggling guard is why Broderick Chesterfiled III doesn't need to go to church to learn about faith. Besides, that would cut into my Internet porn time.

This is why Jesus loved Fish so much

In crunch time, this man is bigger than Kelly Clarkson's thighs. Broderick Chesterfield III will never utter a bad word about Derek Fisher ever again.

Retirement beckons, Marty

Former directing great Martin Scorsese, who has long been out of ideas, must have finally run out of remakes and biopics. His latest offering is a scary, suspenseful, loony-bin thriller that we're hoping features cameos from David Caruso, Steven Bauer or Lorenzo Lamas. No word yet on whether it is a straight-to-DVD release.

Andrei Kirilenko's off-season weight-gain plan gets serious

Three of the greatest words in the English language: spit-roasted pig. Don't know how that translates in Russian.

Lakers' future in hands of some sharp dressed men

"Your shoes no sexy, Bynumy-num! You need hat like mine to protect luscious lady locks. No, I mean luscious ladies like my locks, not, you know, that I haves lady hair."

Ma-ma-machine ... best 2-sport athlete you've ever seen

Tapas para todos! TAPAS!

Get ready to add one, bitches!

Even though this banner doesn't count the five titles won in Minneapolis, it is still pretty sweet. There is no truth to the rumor that the new banner will be half banner-half Machine.

Musica caliente!

Don't waste your time with that bullshit new Wilco record. The kids have discovered Human League! Passion Pit mixes huge choruses and hooks with electronic indie rock on Broderick Chesterfield III's new favorite album of the summer, Manners, which features the kick-ass single, Sleepyhead.

Wilco -- Out of Ideas Since 2007

Listening to Wilco (The Album) by Wilco (presumably, the band) -- featuring first track Wilco the Song -- is like watching David Ortiz hit. It's just painful. Man, you'd never guess those guys are out of ideas.

Worlds colliding -- in a good way!

Lil Weezy pens an ode to the Kobe. This is like Philip Seymour Hoffman extolling the virtues of Philip Roth. Or ice cream topped with donuts -- whichever you prefer.

Fantasy baseball is a lot like marriage

You get humiliated and beat-down every day just for the chance to get lucky once or twice a month.

That says it all ...

'Gay' penguins rear a chick in German zoo

I watched a movie about that once. I rented it after-hours at a store off the highway on the bad part of town.

The decline of Kung Fu in America

Sad news today about David Carradine, who was bad-ass in Kill Bill and a whole mess of other stuff. Some trivia: The large wooden flute Carradine played in Kill Bill (yeah, I know, he's playing with guns here) is the same one he used as Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu. Carradine brought the flute to rehearsals, and Quentin Tarantino decided to find a way to put it in the movie.

Centers of the Magic, mystical universe

A lot of folks are debating who's the best Magic center of all time -- and totally disrespecting Greg Kite and Dave Corzine -- by pitting young Shaq against Dwight Howard. Let's not forget, Shaq was 7-1, 310 when he took Orlando to the Finals, while Dwight checks in at about 6-10, 265. Shaq, just as quick and athletic as Howard and bigger and stronger, would eat him alive, along with a some large woodland animals and the contents of a dairy farm.

No sympathy for the haircut

It has come to my attention that there is this show about a couple who has a whole truckload of kids. The pair supposedly just cheat on each other all the live-long day, and the broad is just despicable. I dub thee "Jon & Kate Plus Hate."